My Brilliant Friend

 When I read the beginning of My Brilliant Friend, I have already known I would like this book. It is not the disappearance, but Lila's way of making herself disappear. She wanted to disappear without leaving a single trace. She wanted nothing of her to be found. I actually had the similar thought before. And this is really cool to see her really made it happen. And Elena allowed that happen and accepted her wish.

The childhood sections really made me feel so related. When Lila and Elena climb the dark stairs to Don Achille's apartment, and Lila gave Elena her hand at the fourth flight. The holding hands could be a symbol of friendship. It is not about saying "you are my best friend", it is more meaningful when showing up in the dark, and be with each other and support each other. Even though Lila hurt her somehow later on, that holding hands still be the sweet memory between them. What I found really interesting is the dolls in the cellar - Tina and Nu. They were sacrificied for Lila and Elena's friendship, showing that love and cruelty could happen at the same time between friends. Not gonna lie, it is really fair, but also revengeful. 

My doubt of this book is what Lila mentioned, the "dissolving margins". Seeing the outlines of people melt, seeing human beings as poorly-made monsters of bone and blood. I dont know how she had that feeling. Maybe she saw all the violence in the neighborhood, firework, gunshot, blood. Then the human nature of being animal was revealed in front of her. So maybe like Lila saw that and realized all people's performances are fake, and she could not move on and still pretend to live in that kind of society anymore. 

This book actually has so many characters. Among all of them, Lil.a's dad - Fernando is what I don't like the most! He is such a barrier for children to have dreams and great future! Even the teacher tried to persuade him to let Lila continue her education, he was like definitely no. I really dont know why parents behave like that? And that is my question for my blog!

Is he scared? He does not want Rino and Lila to be better than him? So that his strong ego will be protected, also his authority in the family? His children's brilliant idea of the shoes made him so mad. He had kicked the table and called his son an idiot. He was like saying, you guys are not allowed to create, to succeed, to have a dream future! Who is actually the idiot??? 

Burning Money

This novel tells a true story. This is so crazy that the story does not need to be made up because, in reality, the most unbelievable and the most cruel things can just happen.

After reading this book, I really want to say every person could be bad or good. It really depends on what they have been through and their surroundings. The society is the one who can destroy them and blame on individuals. Dorda! The “psychotic”, the “animal”, okay, well he hears voices randomly inside his head all the time, he hates police to that extreme level. But if he was treated properly since young, being protected and understood, will he grow up and end up becoming that crazy killer? His family and the hospital will not take the responsibility, not to even mention the society, the system! Such a poor guy, Dorda…. The other character Blanca Galeano, the fifteen year old girl, wanting some love, care, gifts, so living with Mereles, doing drugs and ended up getting judged and humiliated. She is just a needy child but what others see is a crazy, bad girl with gangsters. People will see her problems, blame the criminal using her, but they will never say this is Blanca’s family’s fault or the society that actually provides no help to her. And now the society finally come and just judge her? This is horrible.

Also during the robbery on San Fernando Square, the one was just passing by, Diego Garcia. He is so innocent to experience this. 23 years old, but died because of this fight?! Well, it just made me feel like these kinds of real innocent victims actually always exist in some real-world crimes. But what people remember are always those polices, and criminals, but never someone like Diego Garcia. His death represents so many characters being neglected, but actually sacrificed.

The scene – burning money, making bills look like butterflies of light. Burning those money made people so mad, so angry. They think those criminals are crazy. Then how about thinking about those criminals getting ruined and destroyed by money? I really hate normal people just focus on the outcome, focus on what they see but they hardly think about the cause. Money can destroy other people, which is totally fine, but they cannot destroy money? Or else those other people will be angry and think this is crazy. Who is crazy? Every one can be criminals. Everyone can be victims as well. I really feel like this is the society’s problem. 

So my question is: should we  blame more on the society, the structure when something like this happen?

Marguerite Duras

Just finished reading The Lover by Marguerite Duras, I feel so tired. 

It is like emotionally exhausted. The story line seems like she just writes things when she thinks about it.

First of all, I really like how she sees her ravaged face as the only image of herself she likes, also as the only one in which she recognizes herself. It just makes me feel that after experiencing so many things, and the look became more real you, means something deeper. Also, the hat that she wore when she was young is a man’s flat-brimmed hat, a brownish-pink fedora with a broad black ribbon. But also she wore dress and high heels. This is so cool for me. She mentioned that this is a provoking choice a nature and a choice of the mind. I like how she is being proud of herself in the past, being cool, unique, and “rebellious”.

Moreover, I really like her honesty! As a young girl, being with a rich and elegant Chinese man who is way older than her, she honestly told the man that “that I show she desire him, with his money, that when she first saw him he was already in his car, in his money, so she couldn’t say what she’d have done if he’d been different”. For me, this is way too honest. Normally, they might just hide that desire or at least not telling ALL. This is cool but also kinda cold to him.

                                                                                                                         via UniFrance

I started to wonder if she is telling the truth, if this honesty is real.

The first time for her, being in a room with a man alone. Her reaction was like “does not feel anything in particular, no hate, no repugnance either”. How come? Also, she was the one who is slow, patient, undressing him. But who is the one that is younger and more innocent here? Until she told him that “I’d rather you didn’t love me. But if you do, I’d like you to do as you usually do with women.” I suddenly realized something is off. She refused his love, but accepted his body, and sex that he offered but should be in a way that is not special for her, not unique but to every one else. I do not think she was just being cold and careless. It is more like she was trying to protect herself and trying to be cold and careless. Because if she was that careless to him, then how come she wrote this whole book?

My question: What happened between them is a love story or just something happened, as a part of her memory, something complicated to tell the feelings?