RMST Conclusion: Sharing What I Actually Learned From This Course

At the beginning, I was worried and a bit lost. Because this is a literature course! And those books were not easy to understand. Just seemed overwhelming. 

To be honest, when I think about our course now, I still remember what I read, Proust’s Combray, and that sweet taste of madeleine we got in class. Those books are not only stories, but also memories and senses.

What I feel the most meaningful about our course is that my way of seeing love and relationships has completely changed! Love can be selfish, make you anxious and feel horrible, and also manipulate you forever. BUT love is always with you.

                             Room in New York, 1932 by Edward Hopper

I still remember the wants that Agostino had, wanting mom all to himself. It is love, but also real desire. I'm not like that extreme, but I actually hated my mom when I was a kid. She was taking care of her friend’s daughter in front of me. And I was just sitting there alone, watching. I got mad out of jealousy. When I think about all these now, I feel like “love”, this is something extreme and hard to keep boundaries out of. Sometimes, what I say is love might just be those moments that the person was all mine, and I couldn't accept the truth of the person, existing as an individual, also having other relationships. 

Then, a deeper way to see is through The Shrouded Woman. Looking back on my whole life experiences, now I see it clearly without worries. I realized I always lived in the moment, doing and thinking things in a way that emotions greatly affecting myself. But now seeing love as a fluid thing, it won’t stop and never will. No matter whether it is romantic, peaceful, dramatic, or horrible, I feel less influenced. I still have love, but a more mature version. I respect others’ identity as an individual who has their own life and future. I respect his identity now without any thought of keeping him to myself.

To be honest, many stories I read from these books are more at a dark side, come with power, gender, class inequality. However, in real life, love is always tied with those. At 21, this realization feels heavy. I don't believe that narrative, saying we can overcome all obstacles just because I love you. I believe that love exists after seeing all the flaws he has, after seeing humanity, and still build connection and keep it. Might not last forever. But who cares. At least that moment is real. 

My question is simple: How you see love?

Thank you for all discussions we had, all books I chose. I feel lucky that I took this course! It made me more tolerant about my life and relationships.

The Impatient: Uhhh Men...

The Broken Column, 1944 by Frida Kahlo

For Ramla, I feel so angry about Alhadji Boubakari, threatening her with a letter of repudiation to her mother. Ok, evil and low. Why did he pick Dadiyel, her mother, as his hostage? Cuz he knew that she is Ramla’s biggest weakness. Using love to threaten is just disgusting. Plus, he ignored the precept of the Prophet which stipulates that a girl must consent to her marriage. He should be the one who supports children. Instead, he is the one who ruined Ramla’s life. Her future could be good, being a pharmacist in the future. I mean, that is a perfect plan, but he ruined all. What I see from here is a kind of control on all women. Ramla and her mother’s lives are being controlled always. They don’t have autonomy. Those men address “submission”, “munyal”. Screw those traditions and patriarchy. That society of male supremacy is so stupid. Here, he even ignored the religious tradition to make decisions for his daughter. It clearly shows that the patriarchy is actually higher than religious rules. How shameful that is.

Now, I am saying Ramla’s father is so arrogant and selfish; however, another guy is way worse — Moubarak — such an asshole. He took tramadol pills cut with Viagra and then raped Hindou, ignoring her scream, cry, and begging. It is fun for him. 

OMG such a loser. I was actually mad when I read one of their conversations:

“Sorry, I’m hurt. I’m in pain.”

“Don’t worry! That’s normal.”

Huhhhh? “Normal”. You raped her, made her bleed, covered in bruises. Then what you did after - drag her to the ground and gag her with your hand. And here we go, this part is what I hate the most: “"It wasn't a crime! Moubarak had every right to do with me what he wanted” “He was just so in love!” “It's not a crime! It's a legitimate act! The conjugal duty. It's not a sin. ... it's a blessing granted by Allah.”

Amazing logic. The violence was just because of love. I'm disgusted. And the conjugal duty here is completely for the husband. He got the right to use his wife’s body, no matter how he wanted. WHAT? Is the conjugal duty defined like that? Shouldn’t it be mutual and respectful? How stupid that is, making rape a legitimate act. And Hindou accepted her fate, and slowly internalized this crazy, unfair logic. “MUNYAL!” “Blessing granted by Allah!” I feel sad for all women who live like that every day. 

Well, Ramla finally fled away and in Yaoundé with her brother. Idk if I am too sensitive now. It seems like she escaped, but the brother, a male. She still needs a man to survive. So my question is: do you think Ramla finally succeeded, or like, just from one cage to another, maybe a little bit better cage, but still a cage? I mean, she still needs that man to get so-called “freedom” or “mobility”.