RMST Conclusion: Sharing What I Actually Learned From This Course

At the beginning, I was worried and a bit lost. Because this is a literature course! And those books were not easy to understand. Just seemed overwhelming. 

To be honest, when I think about our course now, I still remember what I read, Proust’s Combray, and that sweet taste of madeleine we got in class. Those books are not only stories, but also memories and senses.

What I feel the most meaningful about our course is that my way of seeing love and relationships has completely changed! Love can be selfish, make you anxious and feel horrible, and also manipulate you forever. BUT love is always with you.

                             Room in New York, 1932 by Edward Hopper

I still remember the wants that Agostino had, wanting mom all to himself. It is love, but also real desire. I'm not like that extreme, but I actually hated my mom when I was a kid. She was taking care of her friend’s daughter in front of me. And I was just sitting there alone, watching. I got mad out of jealousy. When I think about all these now, I feel like “love”, this is something extreme and hard to keep boundaries out of. Sometimes, what I say is love might just be those moments that the person was all mine, and I couldn't accept the truth of the person, existing as an individual, also having other relationships. 

Then, a deeper way to see is through The Shrouded Woman. Looking back on my whole life experiences, now I see it clearly without worries. I realized I always lived in the moment, doing and thinking things in a way that emotions greatly affecting myself. But now seeing love as a fluid thing, it won’t stop and never will. No matter whether it is romantic, peaceful, dramatic, or horrible, I feel less influenced. I still have love, but a more mature version. I respect others’ identity as an individual who has their own life and future. I respect his identity now without any thought of keeping him to myself.

To be honest, many stories I read from these books are more at a dark side, come with power, gender, class inequality. However, in real life, love is always tied with those. At 21, this realization feels heavy. I don't believe that narrative, saying we can overcome all obstacles just because I love you. I believe that love exists after seeing all the flaws he has, after seeing humanity, and still build connection and keep it. Might not last forever. But who cares. At least that moment is real. 

My question is simple: How you see love?

Thank you for all discussions we had, all books I chose. I feel lucky that I took this course! It made me more tolerant about my life and relationships.